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Don’t wake me, I’m dreaming…

I was so close to my dream, I felt like if I blinked I would miss everything that I worked so hard for.

2 time provincial medalist, 8th place win in nationals, level 1 coach. I’ve always been the volleyball girl. Back in Cold Lake, I was the girl who played club volleyball. Moving to kindersley, I wasn’t know as Faith, I was known as the girl who randomly showed up to pre-tryouts with a taped groin and two black eyes who was shouting random things when wanting to hit from the left side.

Volleyball has always been my escape ever since middle school, from we hate faith petitions to being cornered in a locker room by 3 girls, volleyball was the one thing that had kept me sane.

In the past year, I’ve been experiencing more problems in what I thought was my groin, but later learned it was my hips due to them being externally rotated and my pelvic bone being tilted downward. My specialist basically told me that because of the ready position needed as a libero, this was what was causing part of the pain. I couldn’t play anymore.

I went to Saskatoon every week for a month to do physio, now I do the program at home. I do this in hopes that I won’t have to get major hip surgery which will result in me having to re-learn to walk.  That my hips will correct themselves, that my pelvic bone will begin to tilt the right way.

As this would have been my last year playing, I was going to prospect showcases before I got the diagnosis. I was beginning to get a skills tape video ready to send out to scouts. I was so close to my dream, I felt like if I blinked I would miss everything that I worked so hard for. Without volleyball my anxiety & panic attacks have reached a point where I can’t leave bed some days because I’m too afraid of what may happen. I can’t drive myself to work some days because the anxiety is so overwhelming. I’ve thought about asking to get my anti-depressant upped in hopes that it will help this. Because of my hips, I can’t use volleyball as a release and everyday I feel like I lose part of my identity and immediately the anxiety swallows that piece of me whole.

Volleyball has been apart of me since middle school, all I did in the years before my diagnosis was breathe volleyball. If I wasn’t playing on the court, I was practicing. And if I wasn’t practicing I was training my ass off. Now, I can’t play volleyball, and with this being my last year of high school I feel as if I’ve lost who I am. If im not the volleyball girl, then who am I really?

Faith B.

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